Posted by
Juané
3:35 AM
Category: Boobs , Diane Moalem , Friends , Not Really Funny , Strange Compliments
Now for the whole week we didn't do much but laze around and get her things together for her matric art final. Though on my last day there we had quite a few things lined up: We started off the morning with a trip to the mall. (Where they allowed little kids to roll around in plastic balls on the one fountain. I have never wished to be five again more in my life) There-after we got dropped off at the Sexpo 2009.
*note, all photos were taken with my shitteh phone, I forgot my camera at home.*
the rodeo.
You start off with an ice sculpture of a penis, and the body of a woman, funnels coming from her back through her nipples so that you can drink from them. You move on to a girl on a swing, nothing but a sprayed on shirt. Then simple pleasures: A home made video of how to massage oils onto a chicks vag, and go from bush to no bush. So much for breakfast.
Then you get to the next part. A giant golden penis, to ride and get your picture taken on. A second giant golden penis, to climb on and summit to the top. (note: if you weigh more that 50kgs be sure it will have it fall over when you reach the second grip.) This also looks really painful for the blown up penis mountain.
like i said, painful.
Moving on you get to the strip poker, where naturally only the most unattractive people suck at poker. Really. What a bitch. You see the ugly lesbian hooker: who, by the way, tried hitting on you at the one stall. Now trying to convert you to be a lesbian, which i'm sure could maybe even work seeing as she seriously resembles an ugly man with huge tits, wiping down a pole. Fully naked. Fuck, there goes lunch.
why yes, that IS what it says.
You then follow us to the mascots, cockasaurus and I'm not even sure what the other one was. Mainly, a dick with dinosaur fins, and the shaft of a penis with boobs and dinosaur fins. Walking further, you were hopefully lucky enough to get flashed by the friendly guy wearing a bird on his dick. And lucky enough to see a really hot chick getting her spray on . (And by this I meant getting spray painted.) As well you get free shots and wine where-ever you go.
During my day: I got glitter boobs and butterfly nails, I got my cleavage stared into by a promoter and complimented by weird old men. I saw a guy dance like Micheal Flatly with a boner and two chicks lapdancing a very unwilling audience member. I saw two strippers improv the dialogue to a porno and two audience members trying to beat them. I saw a vibrating and yelling vagina toy and but plugs the size of my hand. {FISTING!!} I got smacked on the ass with a bat and then told that pain is amazing in bed. I saw:
these guys
Follwed by a 75 year old man painting portraits with his dick, yes, his dick. I'm pretty certain I won't have to eat for the next week. All in all, fuck, that shit was way beyond some Jay-Z and Naz shit. harharhar. Anyway, seeing as this is about as much as I can muster up.
With anal happiness.
Lttle-J.
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