Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts

This is a story.

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Posted by Juané 12:55 PM

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all about how my life (insert Fresh Prince Of Bel Air lyrics here but not really) was ruined by one little kitten and my boyfriend.

The Instigator aka Satan's helper: Philip Wilson.

The Target: Juané van Dyk.

Satan: (as shown below)



The aftermath:


(clickety, click, makes it big)

Also, I'm just pointing out here that between "R.U.I.N.E.D." And "♥" I got a million sad faces on Gtalk. How am I supposed to be a bitch then? Even when my life is ruined. I guess that just ruins it even more.

Sheesh.
Thanks guys.
You suck.

Arachnophobia.

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Posted by Juané 6:33 PM

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I really am not happy right now.

It's 3:35 AM, I'm unable to sleep and I'm being outsmarted by a spider. A spider. Seriously. THE FUCK?! So, let me tell you. I've been trying to sleep for the past four hours, 'cause well, I have work tomorrow, and I was thinking maybe I can get a little exercise in the morning. So finally after watching a whole season of The War At Home I finally felt sleepy. Now I get ready for bed all dressed in pajamas and such and I want to wee. (yeah whatever, it's not ladylike to talk about weeing.) So I open my door and there it is.

don't you dare judge me, that thing is huge okay.


With it's eight, EIGHT FUCKING HAIRY LEGS. WHAT DO YOU NEED EIGHT LEGS FOR?!?! SERIOUSLY! FUCKING? I DOUBT IT! Then It's million -goddamn million- eyes and that damn attitude. "So unholy" Anyway, now I'm all okay spider, let's get this party started. So I skillfully take an a2 mounting board and figure, man I could probably just make enough wind to blow it away.

(TIP OF THE WEEK: Wind does not blow spiders away, it seemingly irritates them and makes them want to seek revenge at mother nature, or the idiot with the mounting board.)


Anyway, So then I'm all, how about I just try sleep. So I get in bed, put on The Wombats and try to fall asleep, but first. I think to myself, well seeing as I'm so unhappy about this, I think I'll change my Facebook status. My phone has chosen the spider's side, because it won't let me on Facebook. Myspace? Totally. Facebook, no way. So I had to switch my pc back on, that's when the shit began.

facebook has @tags now.


Now I updated my status and had another thought, seeing as my pc is on, I'm blogging about this hairy fucker. So I get my camera out, put on my macro lens and open my bedroom door. HELL YES, SPIDER MOVED. But still no safe distance to go wee, yet I decide to still take a photo.

(TIP OF THE WEEK TWO: Flashes and bright lights make the spider happy/angry, he runs towards those, and the idiot carrying the camera.)

Needless to say. I just checked again, I don't know where it is. I have this strange feeling that it's somehow gotten into my bed-sheets and started breeding. If I never blog again, you'll know why. Also if I never pee again, it would be for the same reason...

On a lighter note: NOW IN STORES.
YOSHITA
that's right, your shitter.

not really in stores, sorr.


UPDATE: I JUST WEE-D, mildly followed by images of the spider climbing up my spine and paralyzing me. It's 4:06, the spider may have won over my upcoming nightmares, but he has not defeated my will to pee. That's right spider. I WILL PEE! EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO. (please don't kill me, please.)

Little Miss Marilyn

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Posted by Juané 10:48 AM

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The time called for it.
Every now and then I will "showcase" one of my friends randomly picked, prolly by which one I've spoken to most recently. But anyway, this is showcase one.

This is Bianca:



Now Bianca is one of my oldest friends. You know those friends who you've even hated, you've spoken shit about when you did and they did the same, and then you realised but fuck you guys just can't stop being friends. That friend that listens to ALL really now ALL your bitching from day one and you do the same, no questions asked, the friend that tells you to rape sexy animals.... (maybe not that last bit but yes, summing like that.)

that, That's Bianca...



Bianca is also extremely sexy:



She's also cute as a button:



Bianca lives in Australia now.
I also remembered that you have my shoe bitch! I am minus ONE shoe ONE dude, like honestly how the hell am I supposed to go about my life now. Like, I only have ONE DAMN SHOE! They feel fucking heartbroken.
Anyway.

I also remember that time we had to waitress for your mother's birthday and you showed me what flesh tunnels were, man, I thought you were so cool! Then, on my birthday, you gave me flesh tunnels. Also the numerous amounts of photos you've taken of me. The huge amount of scene kids we've pissed off and then made love us in their lives. All the edge kids we've tempted with the Xs on our hands and Lables in them. Fucking scene kids, GEEZE. Driving in your car, Miley Cyrus, Forever The Sickest Kids, Tears, Pissing ourselves with laughter. The countless conversations in your bed. The webcam sessions, the gossip sessions. The day I met you totally telling my parents you went to my high school. Also this morning when I decided I'm no longer your friend because you're going to SOUNDWAVE 2010, then taking that back because we know way too much about each other. Getting completely grilled at woodstock and then loosing our ways completely, finding our way and running after that damn black bunny (aka plastic bag). Inventing the "I'm DONE, I'm so DONE!" and laughing cause only we know what it means.
Bianca: I miss you.
:)



Let's dance to joy division?
Love you Queen B.
Little-J.

I broke the seal.

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Posted by Juané 6:15 AM

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So I wake up this morning. Now I'm really buggered from lack of sleep but THE FUCK. I want to party.
I haven't wanted to party in like two bloody damn months. Yes anyway.

So at about eleven I decide that it's bloody party day. I mean come on. It's friday and I really feel like going out getting shit-faced and enjoying it. So I sms friend number one. And get this shit, he already has plans to go out tonight. What a deeck. anyway. I sms friend number two and I'm like, so what're we doing tonight? "Dunno, but i'll come over after class." Sweet deal, I have cane. "I'll buy creme soda, be there in ten." WHAT IT'S NOT PARTY TIME YET??!?!?! But okay cool.

So she comes we party, we cane train, we finish 250ML of cane, well mostly me, seeing as I'm probably either a raging alcoholic, a stingy jew or just a very fast drinker.... (and she's on antibiotics.)
Eitherway, I think I'm brilliant.

Look this is what I drank today:



So anyway buddy Phil, yeah dude, I so totally spoke about you and mentioned how fucking bonkers 3OH!3 is in a car, and those fucking noodles and milkshakes, and accident and hitting kids with cars: SHIT!

Anyway buddy Phil points out that I'm saying some amazing sentences... here is proof of like three of those...



And well of course he said yes.... So naturally...



And then this shit happened, and I felt mildly bad, and yet mildly awesome:



And then on MSN I was all chuffed thinking shit, I'm a pretty girl apparently I need to do some pretty girl shit, and be all girl like....

Yeah that lasted about five seconds:



Naturally, I have concluded that I'm crude, and then I was like, hey Phil what's that status where you once had the word crude in. So we both start looking for this, I'm like HEY BITCH DID YOU DELETE IT. Turns out he didn't, turns out it was the word crass.

Anyway, so on the drive home (we went to buy LARVA) [really Phil, larva is an AMAZING word] and went to get Macdonalds. So on the way back I try throw the packet out of the window into and open dust bin, needless to say I missed and the car behind us found it amazingly hilarious.

Off to pee.
♥
Little-J.

Aequitas - Veritas

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Posted by Juané 6:36 AM

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Drama is fucking lesbighey! Yes I said it, it's gayer than lesbians. And the pope only knows that that's fucking ghey. Though I won't lie. I probably deserved today's drama. You want to tempt the lion? Sure go ahead, but don't come crying when it chops your head off after violently flinging your body around cause you've used so much cortisone cream and head-banged in your life that your neck muscles are now made of hardcore and win and lions can't even bite through it.

Anyway on a different note, I am an idiot and I refuse to use facebook chat. It fails in so many ways and I have no bloody idea how to use it most of the time, mainly because the only reason why I actually do use it is to go online, see who's alive and then go offline again, the minimize button doesn't exist in my brain. But my friend Diane:




Whom I love with all my heart said that regardless of the fact that during our half hour conversation I accidentally went offline near to ten times she still loves me and "doesn't judge, much". Dude, you rock!

And furthermore, HEY FATTEH, fuck you for leaving me bored on an already boring day! GEEZE. This is me going QQ. (For anyone who's not part of the three people that I force to read this blog, there's a reason I don't need to use names in this blog, BECAUSE ONLY THREE PEOPLE -as of today, usually I only forced two, but seeing as my friend got mentioned anyway you forgot the start of the sentence that will finish now didn't you wa!- FUCKING READ IT.)

P.S. The Boondock Saints = Best EVAR!!ONEONE11

K, I'm done for now
♥
Little-J

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