Showing posts with label Strange Fears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Strange Fears. Show all posts

Hello Mister, Plan On Staying? -or- I Just Wrote A Whole Post On Doves.

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Posted by Juané 2:17 AM

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About two days ago I was just relaxing in my room, probably busy Facebook-ing as I heard a shrill yell coming from the living room. Obviously knowing my dear mother has come across something horrific again I went to check it out. After asking her about five times (as I do with everything) before I got my response she pointed to the door. What did I see, but a dove.


(excuse the shitty zoom, my mom was yelling at me at this stage.)

Yes, that guy, well at least I think it's a he, just traipsed around our living room looking very uninterested in what we had to show. Round about here is when he decided to fly. Now obviously, being the 'MAN' I am, I squealed like a little girl, (why yes, I do know pigs squeal) slammed my door and told my mom to tell me when it's safe to come out.

(Flying things y'know, they're kinda creepy.)



Anyway, the little guy managed to fly into her toom and land on her ceiling fan. (As pictured above.) Eventually we managed to get him down and catch him. Of course after our maid ran around pointlessly saying things I don't ever really understand. Which is when I realised that Mr. Dove was actually quite the nice guy. They, doves, are pretty cute and sort of lovable and would make interesting pets, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to take his freedom away. Who's house would he spend an afternoon in then?

It was a nice visit all in all.
Next time watch out for the walls.
And though you were pretty rad.
Just try not to fly.
Please.

Yours Sincerely.
Jun-A.
x

With Regard To My Newborn Arachnid Kids.

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Posted by Juané 4:04 PM

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SERIOUSLY. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
I just want to pee okay.
Please.

SWEET BABY JESUS


Honestly, what did I ever do to you. It's not like I kill you guys, I don't go close enough. Is it 'cause I accidentally might have doomed you? And I totally don't mean DOOM because well, shut up okay. I DON'T DESERVE THIS. Look at that guy, so fucking non-chalant, just chilling there, taunting the shit out of me. Just like bloody Mexicans, with their Piñatas and sombreros and that little mouse guy. Yeah that Speedy Gonzales. With their Sweet Baby Jesus. Man, I hate spiders.

Update: So, my brother just came to me and asked me if I had DOOMed the spider. My reply? No, no, I haven't. He's all: 'It's curled into a ball'. I get excited, seeing as I've been waiting three hours to pee. He goes in, lifts up the spider a bit, yeah it moved. So I ran away screaming like a 3 year old girl calmly walked back to my computer chair.

On a completely unrelated note:

theboyinthestripedpajamas


Probably one of THE most depressing yet amazingly shocking movies I've seen in a long time. I'm still pretty keen to read the book, which I might do sooner than later now. A shockingly sad tale of a little German boy be-friending a Jewish kid in a concentration camp. Watch this when you feel like watching something good. Yet if you feel sad or not up to much. Then hide the knives and stay away from movies like these.

On a completely second unrelated note.

Last night I made a batsignal for my lamp. needless to say I broke my lamp five minutes before I could try it out.

Idiotic love
Little-J.

Arachnophobia.

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Posted by Juané 6:33 PM

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I really am not happy right now.

It's 3:35 AM, I'm unable to sleep and I'm being outsmarted by a spider. A spider. Seriously. THE FUCK?! So, let me tell you. I've been trying to sleep for the past four hours, 'cause well, I have work tomorrow, and I was thinking maybe I can get a little exercise in the morning. So finally after watching a whole season of The War At Home I finally felt sleepy. Now I get ready for bed all dressed in pajamas and such and I want to wee. (yeah whatever, it's not ladylike to talk about weeing.) So I open my door and there it is.

don't you dare judge me, that thing is huge okay.


With it's eight, EIGHT FUCKING HAIRY LEGS. WHAT DO YOU NEED EIGHT LEGS FOR?!?! SERIOUSLY! FUCKING? I DOUBT IT! Then It's million -goddamn million- eyes and that damn attitude. "So unholy" Anyway, now I'm all okay spider, let's get this party started. So I skillfully take an a2 mounting board and figure, man I could probably just make enough wind to blow it away.

(TIP OF THE WEEK: Wind does not blow spiders away, it seemingly irritates them and makes them want to seek revenge at mother nature, or the idiot with the mounting board.)


Anyway, So then I'm all, how about I just try sleep. So I get in bed, put on The Wombats and try to fall asleep, but first. I think to myself, well seeing as I'm so unhappy about this, I think I'll change my Facebook status. My phone has chosen the spider's side, because it won't let me on Facebook. Myspace? Totally. Facebook, no way. So I had to switch my pc back on, that's when the shit began.

facebook has @tags now.


Now I updated my status and had another thought, seeing as my pc is on, I'm blogging about this hairy fucker. So I get my camera out, put on my macro lens and open my bedroom door. HELL YES, SPIDER MOVED. But still no safe distance to go wee, yet I decide to still take a photo.

(TIP OF THE WEEK TWO: Flashes and bright lights make the spider happy/angry, he runs towards those, and the idiot carrying the camera.)

Needless to say. I just checked again, I don't know where it is. I have this strange feeling that it's somehow gotten into my bed-sheets and started breeding. If I never blog again, you'll know why. Also if I never pee again, it would be for the same reason...

On a lighter note: NOW IN STORES.
YOSHITA
that's right, your shitter.

not really in stores, sorr.


UPDATE: I JUST WEE-D, mildly followed by images of the spider climbing up my spine and paralyzing me. It's 4:06, the spider may have won over my upcoming nightmares, but he has not defeated my will to pee. That's right spider. I WILL PEE! EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO. (please don't kill me, please.)

Believe Me, I'm Lying.

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Posted by Juané 2:27 PM

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Hey buddy, yes you emotional fat whore. I'm talking to you. (You know who you are.) -This is my happy post? See I wasn't lying. But here goes?- ONEONE!!11

So today I have been in one of THE best moods I've ever found myself in (beside for that little glitch in the previous post of course) and pretty much because I'm drama free today. :) I couldn't care less about anything that has ever caused drama in my life ever. EVAR!!ONEONE11.

Anyway, seeing as I want to remember this day and how really good I felt earlier, and in ways still do I, took some photos of myself smiling. Now if you know me, you'll know that I HATE smiling on photos, it makes me look siff, FATTEH DISLIKES.! But I did it and here is a montage of my favourite ones:




I also did something today I've never done in my life, and that is phone strangers for my work and tell them their shit has arrived, or we couldn't get their shit. I feel stoked with myself.

Also above mentioned person, my buddy Phil and I have been trolling all over this AMAZING site found here:
WOLVERINES!!ONEONE11
click this link, it'll change your life. It's been A Day To Remember. (heehee)

Over and Out.
Little-J.

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