Posted by
Juané
6:33 PM
Category: Facebook , Peeing , Spiders , Strange Fears , Television , The War At Home , The Wombats , Yoshita
It's 3:35 AM, I'm unable to sleep and I'm being outsmarted by a spider. A spider. Seriously. THE FUCK?! So, let me tell you. I've been trying to sleep for the past four hours, 'cause well, I have work tomorrow, and I was thinking maybe I can get a little exercise in the morning. So finally after watching a whole season of The War At Home I finally felt sleepy. Now I get ready for bed all dressed in pajamas and such and I want to wee. (yeah whatever, it's not ladylike to talk about weeing.) So I open my door and there it is.
don't you dare judge me, that thing is huge okay.
With it's eight, EIGHT FUCKING HAIRY LEGS. WHAT DO YOU NEED EIGHT LEGS FOR?!?! SERIOUSLY! FUCKING? I DOUBT IT! Then It's million -goddamn million- eyes and that damn attitude. "So unholy" Anyway, now I'm all okay spider, let's get this party started. So I skillfully take an a2 mounting board and figure, man I could probably just make enough wind to blow it away.
(TIP OF THE WEEK: Wind does not blow spiders away, it seemingly irritates them and makes them want to seek revenge at mother nature, or the idiot with the mounting board.)
Anyway, So then I'm all, how about I just try sleep. So I get in bed, put on The Wombats and try to fall asleep, but first. I think to myself, well seeing as I'm so unhappy about this, I think I'll change my Facebook status. My phone has chosen the spider's side, because it won't let me on Facebook. Myspace? Totally. Facebook, no way. So I had to switch my pc back on, that's when the shit began.
facebook has @tags now.
Now I updated my status and had another thought, seeing as my pc is on, I'm blogging about this hairy fucker. So I get my camera out, put on my macro lens and open my bedroom door. HELL YES, SPIDER MOVED. But still no safe distance to go wee, yet I decide to still take a photo.
(TIP OF THE WEEK TWO: Flashes and bright lights make the spider happy/angry, he runs towards those, and the idiot carrying the camera.)
Needless to say. I just checked again, I don't know where it is. I have this strange feeling that it's somehow gotten into my bed-sheets and started breeding. If I never blog again, you'll know why. Also if I never pee again, it would be for the same reason...
On a lighter note: NOW IN STORES.
YOSHITA
that's right, your shitter.
not really in stores, sorr.
UPDATE: I JUST WEE-D, mildly followed by images of the spider climbing up my spine and paralyzing me. It's 4:06, the spider may have won over my upcoming nightmares, but he has not defeated my will to pee. That's right spider. I WILL PEE! EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.
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