Le Musketeer Est Brave.: Not Really Funny

Showing posts with label Not Really Funny. Show all posts

Please Find This.

Posted by Juané 2:22 PM

Category: Blogging , Growing Up , I Wrote This For You , Insomnia , Not Really Funny , Not Really Important , Photography

IWROTETHISFORYOU

"Stupid program," she snarled, hissing out a muffled "and its nifty new shit!". She never was one to appreciate times changing.

Sink Into Me.

Posted by Juané 12:20 PM

Category: Darren Folkes , Google , Music , Not Really Funny , Not Really Important , Television , The All American Rejects

Oh man, oh man! This is party time.
I swear it's not a hobby, I just happened to come across this quite a few times and tonight, I have decided to blog about it!

So firstly this is all about how people just look way too alike for comfort. Yesterday while at work a girl I went to school with's mom came into our store. she kept looking all awkwardly, took my hand and was all, "-name- right??" So I'm like, er no. Though that's not the first time that's happened. But really now?

pause

HEY DARREN, YOU'RE MENTIONED IN MY BLOG!

unpause

Anyway, I was watching the All American Rejects music video, Gives You Hell, and I remembered how many times I've seen how, veryveryvery, alike Tyson Ritter and Cillian Murphy look! Also what's even more funnier is how when you go out searching for images of these two; within the Google results for both of them you find an image where someone has compared them with Tom Welling.

Proof:

But they're not the only two that could've been twins in this world. How about Michael Angarano and Shia LaBeouf?

Creepy? I think so.
Anyway, It's bed time for me!
Love tons.
Little-J.

Stamp Of Approval.

Posted by Juané 2:58 PM

Category: Blogging , Not Really Funny , Not Really Important

Good news kids!
Anyone can now comment on my blog!
Though, with this new change I had to put on moderation first so, every comment has to go through my approval first. It's mainly to filter out unnecessary comments and impolite ones.
Happy commenting.

Little-J.

PS:

It's all right, man.
I'm only bleeding, man.
Stay hungry, stay free,
And do the best you can.

♥

Even Cowgirls Get The Blues.

Posted by Juané 2:36 PM

Category: Behance Network , Blogging , Music , Not Really Funny , Not Really Important , The Gaslight Anthem

So from now on almost every week, if not more, when I feel like it, maybe even a little less, I will change the two side bar images on my blog.

Not only will this make me intensely happy with some lovely changes, but it'll be showcasing some really cool designs from the Behance Network. These are always really cool designs from modern artists, designers, photographers, typographers, etc.

another thing I'd like to bring to your attention is:

THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM

You and your high top sneakers and your sailor tattoos.
Your old '55 that you drove through the roof.

They. Are. Amazing.
♥
Little-J.

Will The West Coast Be Enough.

Posted by Juané 1:13 PM

Category: Bianca McIntyre , Blogging , Friends , Gigs , Growing Up , High School , Not Really Funny

What has happened to us?
Seriously though, having a conversation with Greg here and I'm shocked. Okay now most of you are pretty confused and baffled as to what I'm talking about...

See what I'm getting at is this:

It's about 21:00 and Fokofpolisiekar are about to start playing. I've got an hour untill my parents pick me up, I'm fifteen and in the middle of the mosh pit getting the bruises of my life. It's 16:00, Straatligkinders just put on their first Pretoria show ever, It's my sweet sixteen, I'm busy sweating like a pig and skanking it up like never before, flesh tunnels fresh in my ears.

Somewhat like this image.

siesa, I know.

It's 20:00, I'm on vacation in Durban, City Bowl Mizers just started playing. I'm jumping up and down and yelling the lyrics as loud as I can, I'm 17. It's 22:00, I'm being squished to a pulp, watching Muse, standing there singing along, still seventeen. It's about 21:30, I'm standing still, holding a beer, watching Fire Trough The Window. I'm, once again, still 17.

i'm the one wearing the lumberjack.

It's 23:00, I'm standing watching aKING play, singing along, just singing along standing there with a friend, I'm 18. It's 17:00, I'm watching some crappy hardcore metal band I'm just standing there, not even paying attention, I think I was on MXiT even, I'm 18. Why am I even here. Where is everyone. This show is pointless. I'm going home. I really don't want to be here, and it's cold.

I really miss being 16.
dotdotdot
Little-J.

I'd Rather Dance.

Posted by Juané 1:15 PM

Category: Blogging , Drama , Nice People , Not Really Funny

People will never cease to amaze me.

In other news.
I bought myself the prettiest dress yesterday at the nicest little shop, this cute little Chinese lady even made me switch dresses when she saw the one I had was a bit travel damaged (I wouldn't even have noticed) which made me so happy to know that people still care about things like that.

Thank you little Chinese lady, you and your cute shop made my day. Even though I didn't understand most of what you said.

Pointless blogging love.
Little-J.

Inspiring Design.

Posted by Juané 6:03 AM

Category: Blogging , Friends , Graham Paterson , James Page , Not Really Funny , Writing

My friends are pretty cool. They also enjoy blogging as much as I do, probably even more. Which makes me feel a little less bad for not having a life.

Such as Inspiring Design. This blog is a really nifty blog where two of my friends show the most exciting new designs they have found or even stumbled upon.

My one friend is James:

Wordpress.
Blogger.

James is an Architecture student, who mostly puts up cool designs about buildings and such where as.

Graham:

Online Portfolio and Cool Things

Graham studies Branding Communication at Vega, so you'll see a lot of cool designs from the branding world from his side.

His own art is also like encountering my Mexican Mustache on Baby Jesus... bloody amazing.

So give these boys a gander, If you look at the About Us section on their joined blog you'll see links to all their accounts showing all the different aspects of their lives.

Seriously though.
They're worth being checked out.

Much love.
Little-J.

Something Different.

Posted by Juané 3:31 PM

Category: Friends , Not Really Funny , Television

It's been quite a long day and I have felt like writing a new blog in ages. But I don't want a pointless post. So this post is for anyone and everyone who needs a little pickemupper.

ordinarythings

Not everything is always as it seems. Never substitue life for something 'close enough'. I've had a lovely weekend, spent my friday picnicing in the park with a close friend of mine. Relaxing and beautiful, I hope anyone reading this will try spend at least one day outside, no phones, no computers, no internets. Then on Saturday I went to go watch a movie: The Proposal. With a mate of mine from work. It's worth a watch definitely.

Grandma Annie: [upon being introduced to Margaret] Do you prefer Margaret or "Satan's Mistress"?

P.S. Check this out.

I have now had my official overdose of sleep helpers.
Yes, that was a cool sentence! Don't judge.

Love much.
Me.
Little-J.

With Regard To My Newborn Arachnid Kids.

Posted by Juané 4:04 PM

Category: Not Really Funny , Peeing , Spiders , Strange Fears , Television , The Boy In Striped Pajamas

SERIOUSLY. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
I just want to pee okay.
Please.

SWEET BABY JESUS

Honestly, what did I ever do to you. It's not like I kill you guys, I don't go close enough. Is it 'cause I accidentally might have doomed you? ~~And I totally don't mean DOOM because well, shut up okay. I DON'T DESERVE THIS.~~ Look at that guy, so fucking non-chalant, just chilling there, taunting the shit out of me. Just like bloody Mexicans, with their Piñatas and sombreros and that little mouse guy. Yeah that Speedy Gonzales. With their Sweet Baby Jesus. Man, I hate spiders.

Update: So, my brother just came to me and asked me if I had DOOMed the spider. My reply? No, no, I haven't. He's all: 'It's curled into a ball'. I get excited, seeing as I've been waiting three hours to pee. He goes in, lifts up the spider a bit, yeah it moved. So I ~~ran away screaming like a 3 year old girl~~ calmly walked back to my computer chair.

On a completely unrelated note:

theboyinthestripedpajamas

Probably one of THE most depressing yet amazingly shocking movies I've seen in a long time. I'm still pretty keen to read the book, which I might do sooner than later now. A shockingly sad tale of a little German boy be-friending a Jewish kid in a concentration camp. Watch this when you feel like watching something good. Yet if you feel sad or not up to much. Then hide the knives and stay away from movies like these.

On a completely second unrelated note.

Last night I made a batsignal for my lamp. needless to say I broke my lamp five minutes before I could try it out.

Idiotic love
Little-J.

Some Of Them Are Dicks.

Posted by Juané 3:35 AM

Category: Boobs , Diane Moalem , Friends , Not Really Funny , Strange Compliments

Okay so, the past week has been interesting to say the least. I went to see my friend Diane in JHB for the week. So this is pretty much just a recollection of what happened.

Now for the whole week we didn't do much but laze around and get her things together for her matric art final. Though on my last day there we had quite a few things lined up: We started off the morning with a trip to the mall. (Where they allowed little kids to roll around in plastic balls on the one fountain. I have never wished to be five again more in my life) There-after we got dropped off at the Sexpo 2009.

*note, all photos were taken with my shitteh phone, I forgot my camera at home.*

the rodeo.

You start off with an ice sculpture of a penis, and the body of a woman, funnels coming from her back through her nipples so that you can drink from them. You move on to a girl on a swing, nothing but a sprayed on shirt. Then simple pleasures: A home made video of how to massage oils onto a chicks vag, and go from bush to no bush. So much for breakfast.

Then you get to the next part. A giant golden penis, to ride and get your picture taken on. A second giant golden penis, to climb on and summit to the top. (note: if you weigh more that 50kgs be sure it will have it fall over when you reach the second grip.) This also looks really painful for the blown up penis mountain.

like i said, painful.

Moving on you get to the strip poker, where naturally only the most unattractive people suck at poker. Really. What a bitch. You see the ugly lesbian hooker: who, by the way, tried hitting on you at the one stall. Now trying to convert you to be a lesbian, which i'm sure could maybe even work seeing as she seriously resembles an ugly man with huge tits, wiping down a pole. Fully naked. Fuck, there goes lunch.

why yes, that IS what it says.

You then follow us to the mascots, cockasaurus and I'm not even sure what the other one was. Mainly, a dick with dinosaur fins, and the shaft of a penis with boobs and dinosaur fins. Walking further, you were hopefully lucky enough to get flashed by the friendly guy wearing a bird on his dick. And lucky enough to see a really hot chick getting her spray on . (And by this I meant getting spray painted.) As well you get free shots and wine where-ever you go.

During my day: I got glitter boobs and butterfly nails, I got my cleavage stared into by a promoter and complimented by weird old men. I saw a guy dance like Micheal Flatly with a boner and two chicks lapdancing a very unwilling audience member. I saw two strippers improv the dialogue to a porno and two audience members trying to beat them. I saw a vibrating and yelling vagina toy and but plugs the size of my hand. {FISTING!!} I got smacked on the ass with a bat and then told that pain is amazing in bed. I saw:

these guys

Follwed by a 75 year old man painting portraits with his dick, yes, his dick. I'm pretty certain I won't have to eat for the next week. All in all, fuck, that shit was way beyond some Jay-Z and Naz shit. harharhar. Anyway, seeing as this is about as much as I can muster up.

With anal happiness.
Lttle-J.

I Literally Mean Literally.

Posted by Juané 12:28 PM

Category: Friends , How I Met Your Mother , Not Really Funny , Philip Wilson

Okay, so I wasn't sold to slaves, which is kind of a bummer, seeing as I'm as bored as ever. At least with slavery, I'd have something to do, I'd meet new people daily and I'd have some form of payment. Shit, slavery sounds magical. Anyway.

So, for the past, er, April; June; July; August; September, Five months, I've been trying to get my friend Phil (yes this post is to prove you wrong) to watch the series How I Met Your Mother:

awesome, right? i know.

Anyway, so some "unnamed source" (he refers to as everyone - but we all know it was bryan, if I remember correctly) told him it was a "boedie" show. (This means that it's a show jocks watch.) And I honestly beg to differ. So far I've gotten him to agree to watching the first three episodes before he gets any say in the matter, yet I think he should watch the whole series. But we'll get there. Though This is pretty much just a post about the best parts of the show that I can find now.

season one, episode six: Ted

Ted Mosby: I just met the perfect woman. She's funny, she's beautiful, she loves "Star Wars"...
Marshall Eriksen: Woah woah woah, what's her take on Ewoks?
Ted Mosby: Loves them!
Marshall Eriksen: Oh, good. I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks, the Rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks.
Ted Mosby: And get this: She's a marine biologist, she spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
Marshall Eriksen: Oh, penguins are cool. Kinda like black-and-white Ewoks. I approve.

< sarcasm >
OHMYWORD, there's a live Fall Out Boy show on TV, I'm cured!
Need To Geek Out!
Geek out with your Deek out.

Anyway...
< / sarcasm >

season four, episode sixteen: Marshall

Ted Mosby: We've all done things in college we regret. Marshall grew a soul patch, wore a rasta hat and asked that everyone call him J.B. Smooth.
Marshall Eriksen: I do not regret that for a second.

season one, episode three: Robin

Guy #2: So where are you from, heaven?
Robin Scherbatsky: That's right, I'm a ghost. I died fifteen years ago, kinda like that pick-up line.
Lily Aldrin: Hey-Oh!

season three, episode five: Barney

Barney Stinson: Think of me as Yoda. Only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda.
His blog. What could also be his blog.

season three, episode nineteen: Lily

Ted Mosby: How was your day?
Lily Aldrin: I screamed at a little girl for painting a rainbow.
Ted Mosby: Oh. It sounds like the bitch had it coming.

This post is really not funny. Eh, Phil, watch the show dammit!

I mean look:

But really now, point and case: They drink, they curse, they're funny, and people can easily relate to the characters, this is probably one of the best sitcoms since Friends. Sometimes when I'm home alone I like to think that it's actually better than Friends.

:D
Love,
Little-J

Dear Sour Jelly bean.

Posted by Juané 2:01 PM

Category: Not Really Funny , Proper English

Okay, that's it.
I wrote this post beforehand and I completely deleted it because I felt it was pointless and useless and really just not even funny.
NOT EVEN BLOODY FUNNY. THIS SHIT IS SERIOUS, and damn annoying.
Also. Dear Robyn, if you do ever happen to come across this, I promise, it wasn't you that triggered it.

But seriously.
Time for a lesson. Let's take everyone all the way back to grade 4:

Then:
I ate my eyes when I saw your stupidity, THEN I peed them out again.

Than:
My ass would be smaller THAN my boobs, if unicorns existed. Sigh.

They're:
You better come see this shit, the ants are taking over and THEY'RE all over this joint y'all.

Their:
But bloody hell these ants must be rich as hell, you should see THEIR anthills, them apples are big as hell.

There:
I had this buddy once, he drove over my foot, he didn't realise that it was right THERE behind the wheel.

Your:
I wish YOUR ass would just swallow YOUR head. I've never been able to say that to my friends with a straight serious face.

You're:
By jeebers, I think YOU'RE all now ready to go out into the world and do something with your pathetic lives...

People, remind me to stay off of Bumper Sticker in the future.

UPDATE: Someone just misspelt pretenD. Seriously. Help?

Little-J.

I broke the seal.

Posted by Juané 6:15 AM

Category: Facebook , Friends , Insomnia , MSN , Not Really Funny , Party Mode , Peeing , Philip Wilson

So I wake up this morning. Now I'm really buggered from lack of sleep but THE FUCK. I want to party.
I haven't wanted to party in like two bloody damn months. Yes anyway.

So at about eleven I decide that it's bloody party day. I mean come on. It's friday and I really feel like going out getting shit-faced and enjoying it. So I sms friend number one. And get this shit, he already has plans to go out tonight. What a deeck. anyway. I sms friend number two and I'm like, so what're we doing tonight? "Dunno, but i'll come over after class." Sweet deal, I have cane. "I'll buy creme soda, be there in ten." WHAT IT'S NOT PARTY TIME YET??!?!?! But okay cool.

So she comes we party, we cane train, we finish 250ML of cane, well mostly me, seeing as I'm probably either a raging alcoholic, a stingy jew or just a very fast drinker.... (and she's on antibiotics.)
Eitherway, I think I'm brilliant.

Look this is what I drank today:

So anyway buddy Phil, yeah dude, I so totally spoke about you and mentioned how fucking bonkers 3OH!3 is in a car, and those fucking noodles and milkshakes, and accident and hitting kids with cars: SHIT!

Anyway buddy Phil points out that I'm saying some amazing sentences... here is proof of like three of those...

And well of course he said yes.... So naturally...

And then this shit happened, and I felt mildly bad, and yet mildly awesome:

And then on MSN I was all chuffed thinking shit, I'm a pretty girl apparently I need to do some pretty girl shit, and be all girl like....

Yeah that lasted about five seconds:

Naturally, I have concluded that I'm crude, and then I was like, hey Phil what's that status where you once had the word crude in. So we both start looking for this, I'm like HEY BITCH DID YOU DELETE IT. Turns out he didn't, turns out it was the word crass.

Anyway, so on the drive home (we went to buy LARVA) [really Phil, larva is an AMAZING word] and went to get Macdonalds. So on the way back I try throw the packet out of the window into and open dust bin, needless to say I missed and the car behind us found it amazingly hilarious.

Off to pee.
♥
Little-J.

Nerd. Psssh.

Posted by Juané 4:01 AM

Category: Friends , Insomnia , Not Really Funny , Not The Bloggess , The Bloggess

Okay so today I woke up at 11.
Yes ELEVEN. It felt pretty damn amazing.
Regardless of the fact that I have been doing nothing since then and I'm behind as fuck on university work thanks to being sick. Now I'm just procrastinating, because I'm angry, because I was sick, and that made me fall behind. :( But It's cool. I'm just freaking out again a bit.

Moving on, I so totally made a funny:

And then I got called a nerd because the first thing I could think of is, "I'm so totally putting this in my blog." Life is hard kids, real hard. But check it out, I totally seem to be getting a hang of that Facebook Chat thing. Though I won't lie. It still does not make it any cooler. It still sucks.

So seriously:

Dear Victor: There is a pile of business suits for the dry-cleaners that have been in the closet for 5 months. We both work at home. The fuck, Victor?

She's worth it! I would not lie to you. If I grew up to be just like her, I'd be the happiest person on earth. This woman is amazing, and her husband is made of hardcore and win. I also so totally just realised that the fact that my sign out name is Little-J...

Dear Bloggess, I assure you I'm not referring to myself as mini you, It's just my nickname and it originated form the Gossip Girl Series.
I'm pretty sure now I can't be sued or locked up for being a crazy person.

My blog sucks when it's not angry. This makes me sad.
Hah!
Little-J.

So Young, So Insane.

Posted by Juané 2:20 PM

Category: Friends , Not Really Funny , The Black Lung

Okay so firstly. See Phil! Told ya.
FUNNEH BONE!
Who the hell ever thought yelling out profanities while in excruciating pain would be funneh? Who thought it'd be FUNEH to name the bone in your body that hurts the most from the smallest hit a FUNNY BONE? THE FUCK!

Just to make stress day a bit better for my buddy:
"It doesn't make sense though, like, fat kids are supposed to be NICE. Otherwise people don't want to be friends with them."

Then:
Headliner for today:

Anyway, that was 19 (41 nao) minutes and more ago, no one seems to appreciate that comment cause it's being ignored.
LIFE ROCKS!!ONEONE11
Also random guy that added me that I have in common with said above person. I DENY YOU THE FRIEND REQUEST!

I'm tired. This sucks. Apologies. But hey, check this out:

I'll try make this a better blog one day I swear.
With tales of disheartened-ness.
Little-J.

It's So Angry.

Posted by Juané 1:18 AM

Category: Friends , Kristen Duff , Not Really Funny , Philip Wilson , The Bloggess

Okay so even after the copious amounts of times my buddy Phil has told me my blog is EXTREMELY angry, I still didn't seem to give a damn. But last night I showed it to my other friend Kristen and she didn't seem to think I was all normal in my head, the word angry and why popped up quite a lot during our conversation (which might I say was on FBchat).

Anyway.
Buddy phil linked me to this site where all your dreams get made true because damn oh damn it's just SO CUTE:

Anyway, I wanna be like that guy when I grow up.
ALSO
I had an AMAZING find last night, as I got into bed I took my iPod to see what I'll listen to tonight. And can you believe it.
I own a band called |BLACK LUNGS| I've never been this happy in my life. Man.

Black lung send's it's regards.
Little-J.

Believe Me, I'm Lying.

Posted by Juané 2:27 PM

Category: Not Really Funny , Philip Wilson , Strange Fears , The Bloggess

Hey buddy, yes you emotional fat whore. I'm talking to you. (You know who you are.) -This is my happy post? See I wasn't lying. But here goes?- ONEONE!!11

So today I have been in one of THE best moods I've ever found myself in (beside for that little glitch in the previous post of course) and pretty much because I'm drama free today. :) I couldn't care less about anything that has ever caused drama in my life ever. EVAR!!ONEONE11.

Anyway, seeing as I want to remember this day and how really good I felt earlier, and in ways still do I, took some photos of myself smiling. Now if you know me, you'll know that I HATE smiling on photos, it makes me look siff, FATTEH DISLIKES.! But I did it and here is a montage of my favourite ones:

I also did something today I've never done in my life, and that is phone strangers for my work and tell them their shit has arrived, or we couldn't get their shit. I feel stoked with myself.

Also above mentioned person, my buddy Phil and I have been trolling all over this AMAZING site found here:
WOLVERINES!!ONEONE11
click this link, it'll change your life. It's been A Day To Remember. (heehee)

Over and Out.
Little-J.

I don't.

Posted by Juané 7:33 AM

Category: Friends , Idiocy , Not Really Funny , Photography

There are a lot of things in life that I do not want.
There are a lot of things in life I do want.

One of the things I feel like now is using this blog, not religiously, not daily, weekly, monthly, or anything else other than when I feel like it. Yet, I don't want to have a blog that's exactly like all the ones my friends have. Also this paragraph is getting too long for my liking.

In the near future, you might:
See a photo montage, you might not.
See all my friends, you might not.
Learn a lot about me, you might not.
Find out how much I enjoy ice cream, you might not.
Meet a talk dark and handsome stranger, you might not.

It's all yet to be seen.
For now.

Hi.
This is me: